


the strings that bind us will one day fray

by essektheylyss (midnightindigo)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Established Relationship, M/M, cleaning wounds, death mention, questionable use of tether essence spell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25738369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightindigo/pseuds/essektheylyss
Summary: It is easy and pleasant to forget that Caleb will die much sooner than Essek will. It is harder to ignore when he returns to their home late at night, covered in wounds.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 8
Kudos: 193





	the strings that bind us will one day fray

**Author's Note:**

> My entire creative process these days is "started writing it, had a breakdown, bon appetit" so, you know, please enjoy these fruits of anxious madness. I am exclusively at the whims of my 2am brain.

The hiss leaks, long and slow, from between his teeth, and Essek can't bring himself to pity the human.

"You're too fucking old for this," Essek snarls, and Caleb shrugs, wincing again when the muscles in his shoulders contract, pulling against the burns along his back. "And there is no one here to heal this. You couldn't have teleported to, I don't know, Fjord? Jester?" 

"And miss giving you this opportunity to lecture me?" Caleb retorts wearily, but he leans back into Essek's hands, and neither of them can hide the tremble in their limbs.

"You're lucky I still have a few healing potions tucked away."

"I'm not lucky. I knew you would be able to fix me up."

Essek wrings the wet cloth into a basin, and growls against his sleeves slipping down his arms. Draping the cloth over the basin's edge, he rips the shirt over his head and lets it fall to the ground beside them.

"You put perhaps too much faith in my medicinal ability."

Caleb twists, ignoring the way his bare skin pulls taut against burns that are only now starting to look less than fresh. "I have faith that you will care for me. I do not think that faith is misguided."

He leans over and presses a soft kiss to Essek's bare shoulder, then his collarbone, and the base of his neck. A shiver runs up Essek's spine, and he leans into the kisses, resting the hollow of his cheek on the crown of Caleb's head, burying his fingers in his loose red hair. "Then why didn't you tell me where you were going?" Essek has never been one to be distracted by temptation, and he pulls away, though his hands linger. With one of them, he picks up a clean towel, dipping it in warm water and pressing it to Caleb's neck. "Why did you not ask me to join you?"

Caleb's eyes drift closed. "If we were both to perish— No, no. The school would be left on its own. It needs—" 

"It needs you," Essek murmured, and circled the chair to rest against the edge of the washbasin. "If something like this comes up again, I go."

"No." Caleb slouched forward, resting his elbows on his knees, ignoring the water and blood that dampens the legs of his trousers where his arms rest. "No."

"My dear," Essek breathes, and presses one hand to Caleb's jaw. It is hard to speak about, but if it will also remind Caleb what this means for him, then he will remind himself. "I will have to bury you one day. Do not presume to choose when that day comes." 

Caleb laughs, but Essek pinches his chin and forces him to look into his eyes.

"I will employ Jester to drag you back from the dead without a second thought."

"An old man like me? That sounds like a splendid waste of money."

It pains him to see how the lines at Caleb's eyes have deepened, though he knows the arcane lights he's created make them look harsher than normal now. 

"Forgive my outburst. You are not that old."

"You said it yourself. You will have to bury me one day. I don't..." he rocks forward, and Essek has to kneel to meet his eyes now, "I don't want you to also shoulder the burden of... watching it happen." 

For a split second, Essek considers killing Caleb on the spot, just to teach him a lesson. At 25,000 gold pieces, though, it is a rather expensive lesson, and instead he rests his forehead in Caleb's palms and grips his wrists, shuddering out a sigh.

"So instead you will let me watch you put your own body on a pyre?" He laughs, but there's no humor in it. "Fuck you. Fuck you and your self-destructive, self-pitying bullshit. Fuck you for making the choice for me."

"It sounds like someone has been listening to Fjord."

"Yes, and the gods know one of us needed to."

Caleb chuckles, and the rumble of it vibrates through his hands. 

"Okay. I tell you when someone approaches me with, ah, an assignment. I will get some kind of backup. One of us needs to stay with the school."

"Gods damn the school," Essek snaps. He has grown to enjoy teaching, and his role here, and occasionally the students don't get on his nerves. But he would be lying to claim he was not here, first and foremost, for Caleb. And he will maintain it after Caleb's death, because he cannot fathom doing otherwise, but that will not be for decades yet. He will make sure of it. "I go where you go." 

Where his fingers grip Caleb's scarred wrist, he coils a wire, and murmurs an incantation in undercommon. A cord of light snakes around both of their arms, pulling taut, and he can feel the magic take hold. He can feel, like a phantom, the hint of the ache under Caleb's skin from the burns. 

"This is, surprisingly, the less expensive option I considered for teaching you a lesson tonight." He looks up at Caleb. The expression that meets him would've been unreadable to him not quite so long ago, but now he can see it plainly—Caleb's surprise at being cared for, even now. "The other option was a resurrection."

"Jester would not appreciate being woken up," Caleb mutters, and Essek laughs.

"I believe Jester is owed a few late night calls."

"You're probably right."

"I love you," Essek breathes, and when he cradles Caleb's face in his hands, presses their brows together, all of his fears rage over him like a wildfire, leaving behind only the nagging desperation of a loss he knows will sting him eventually, barely restrained by the pulse of his heart as he meets Caleb's eyes. 

"I know you do."

"Will you continue to allow me to?"

Caleb nods and closes his eyes, his nose brushing across Essek's. "Until the day I die."

"A long, long time from now."

"The blink of an eye for you, I'm afraid."

"It will be enough."

"Has anything ever been enough for you?"

"You," Essek murmurs, and his fingers grip Caleb's arm—warm, skin worn by time and travel, pulse pounding in his muscles, alive, alive, alive—so tightly that he fears he might cut off circulation, but he can't let go. His hands will shake if he does. "You have always been enough for me. Don't send me out to search for something to fill that hole before I must."

"I won't. I am sorry, for worrying you."

"Yes, having my partner arrive in our home with the shirt literally burned from his back in the middle of the night is not my favorite distraction." 

Caleb smiles, and leans forward, pressing his lips to Essek's. "Hmm, then perhaps I can think of a better one."

Essek smirks into his kiss and pulls them both to their feet. "You think your wounds will be alright?"

"Ah, for now," Caleb winces, his shoulders tightening against the full pain that throbs when he moves. Essek can feel it spike, and with barely a thought he lifts them both off the floor, drifting toward the bedroom. It will be a mercy to rest, knowing that Caleb is here and out of immediate danger. "In any case I will be sleeping on my stomach."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Lemme know what you thought!


End file.
